RENEW

Work has been busy lately. 

Not just the usual lots to do, art projects to make, evaluations to chart busy. I'm talking stressful, over time, sleeping when you have free time busy. I love my job but with the added health stresses as of recent, I'm questioning my sanity. There are a few days that I honestly can't recall because they've been such a blur. [as you now have probably guessed, this is why I haven't updated recently] Today was one of those days. I sat down earlier to post a status update on facebook and couldn't even put a sentence together that made sense. 

At several points during the last week or so it has seemed that life would just fall apart. I imagine it disintegrating into tiny pieces like the western loving little boy on Willy Wonka when he gets zapped into the TV. At the same time, there have been moments that I've wanted to hang onto and never let go of. Whether we like it or not, life is here and we are in it for better or for worse. It's a commitment. You can't just give up when you feel like it. You can't spend all of your time time celebrating your victories and accomplishments either. If we aren't careful we can quickly get pulled in to our own situations and become infatuated with ourselves. We can raise our wants and desires to a higher level and forget about what we're supposed to be doing for God. This can happen very easily in a marriage and many times this is a cause of them falling apart: it's called selfishness. We can get very selfish in our lifetime - especially with our time. 

In Philippians 2:21 it says "For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's." Paul wrote this when he was speaking of other 'religious' leaders who would not make the journey to Philippi with him. Timothy was the exception here. Other men wouldn't leave their homes and businesses to visit the Philippian people. They had other things they'd rather be doing. I wonder how much of our time is spent seeking to please ourselves. I know that I have been selfish with my time lately. We can blame it on work, our introvertedness, our sanity, our peace of mind, our stress levels, etc., but there's no better cure for all of these things than fellowship with one another. In order to fellowship with one another we must see one another and communicate with one another. Church is the best place to do this! Don't depend on simply making appearances on Sundays to get your fill. Get involved and make time in your week to study, worship, and fellowship with each other. 

The apostle Paul spoke many times about sacrificing ourselves to further the kingdom of God. Part of sacrificing ourselves means giving our time. Over the past week or so Romans 12:1-2 has found its way into my readings. It says "Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." If you're anything like me, your mind will become overwhelmed and exhausted long before your body will. When I read that section that says 'be transformed by the renewing of your mind', I think we need to clear our minds daily. I know it's hard to let go of events and situations that happen during the week - this is an even better reason for us to pray and seek God's face daily and continuously. Start your day with prayer and continue in it until your day is over. If our minds get too filled by the things of this world it will leave no room for the things of God. I believe this is especially important to those of us who work in a secular environment...it's easy to let gossip sneak its way into our ears, anger and bitterness can take hold of our thoughts, and we can forget how to maintain our composure when talking to others. If we could get into the practice of renewing our minds, I believe our Christian walk would become much stronger and so would our relationships and our witness to those around us.  

Sometimes I'd prefer to live a life without emotions.

The last few days have been a consistent up and down, up and down cycle and it's exhausting. 

I'll admit - I wear my emotions. There's usually no hiding how I feel. It's like that song "If You're Happy and You Know It" - there's always an action to go with how you feel. Yesterday I was supposed to have an appointment at 3pm with the cardiologist to find out the results of my holter monitor. Since I'd never been to a cardiologist, I estimated the visit to run long so I worked through lunch in order to leave at 2:15 and make it to my appointment early. 

The visit was in Winston which is only about a 10-15 minute drive down the business loop of I-40. Leaving at 2:15 gave me PLENTY of time [or so I thought]. About 30 minutes earlier there had been a massive wreck. As soon as I crossed through the intersection leading me to the on ramp, traffic was stopped. S T O P P E D. Miles ahead of me, and miles behind me were packed in both lanes with vehicles. It took me 30 minutes to go less than one mile. At this point I had to call the office and explain to them that I might be a little late. The receptionist told me if I could make it by 3:15 that I could keep my appointment. With 30 minutes to go, I thought this was very gracious...until I had to call her again at 3:10 and let her know I was still 7 miles away and traffic still wasn't moving. My appointment was now canceled and rescheduled for Monday at 9am. 

This appointment was going to give me answers for something that I'd been stressing over for weeks and now I was going to have to wait two more days. I was stressed beyond any stress that I had felt prior. I was frustrated. I was angry. After traffic started flowing I even drove on to the office and asked in person if there were any cancellations. Nope. Did I mention that my doctor put in an urgent referral in order for me to see the cardiologist in the first place? That word urgent sent me over the edge. I cried. I banged on my steering wheel. I was so upset that I couldn't even call my mom. On the way back home I began to calm down and I began to think. I drove by that accident and saw the 18-wheeler that was crumpled over the guardrail and the other cars it took with it. My train of thought began to shift. I was no longer angry because I had to wait two more days to see the doctor. I was grateful because I was alive. My situation no longer seemed of importance compared to the accident on the highway. Lysa Terkeurst said in her book Unglued "God designed our bodies to respond to our thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to a crisis response - activating us physically but hindering our thinking. Positive thoughts allow us to process a situation accurately and respond in a healthy way." 

God designed us and created us. He knew that we would have emotions and wouldn't know how to handle ourselves. There are so many passages of scripture that focus on emotions and how we should conduct ourselves when those emotions come over us. The book of Philippians is one that I have found myself getting caught up in lately. Paul wrote this letter to the church of Philippi to thank them for their help during a time when he needed it most. He also used this as an outlet to give them some advice regarding unity and joy. Chapter 4 is my favorite. In Philippians 4:4-9 Paul says: "Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Here Paul describes the secrets of having the peace of God as well as peace with God. [side note - when I study, I like to look at words; what they mean, their origins, words that are similar (synonyms) and words that are opposite (antonyms). If you look up the word peace, you'll find that the word worry is found as an antonym. Peace and worry are opposites leading me to believe that they both can't both occupy our hearts and minds at the same time.] 

Negative thoughts (worry, anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy) lead to us engaging our bodies before we think. These thoughts seem to put "drama glasses" on as I'd like to call them. If you've ever watched one of those true crime shows like Snapped, you know all about the 'dramatizations' or 'reenactments'. The scenes are similar to what the actual event was but are much more intense. That's how they lure us viewers in. The same is true with our minds. Negative thoughts send our minds racing to everything wrong in our lives. They create dramatizations of what we're actually going through. Positive thoughts (peace, joy, happiness, thankfulness, encouragement) lead us to respond to situations in a calm, rational manner. We're able to deal with people and emotions without rocking the boat. We're able to handle ourselves without bursts of chaos and panic. Emotions are a normal part of life - it's how God made us. Losing control of those emotions is what gets us into trouble. James explained things clearly when he spoke of emotions. He spoke of why it is important for us to keep control over our emotions:

• We must always be in the right frame of mind: the Lord could come at any time
• We will be judged for how we react with those around us
• Many of the prophets went through horrible things but never lost their desire to serve God. They could have wallowed in self-pity, turned their backs on God because of bitterness and anger, or could have worried and questioned whether God was even there for them, but they didn't. God clearly recognized the fact that they kept their faith because they are commended throughout the Bible - the Old Testament and the New. 

"Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." 

- James 5:8-11

This is an area of my life that I'm constantly praying for God to deal with me in. I am one who internalizes things and jumps to mental conclusions, often creating events that never happened or words that were never said and get upset over them. I guess I live in my head too much and don't interact enough with others, but I'm working on both of those ;) I want to serve God each and every day to my full potential. If I'm dwelling on the negativity in my life, I don't have my mind on serving God.

No one can light a fire in the rain. 

It has taken me four days, but I officially love yoga.

With the whole crazy fast heartbeat thing, the doctor recommended me moving and trying to e a s e myself into exercise. No cardio until we figure out what's going on. The hubs suggested yoga - not only for strength and toning, but as a stress release too. After [briefly] hating it for the last three days I can now say that I am thoroughly enjoying it. It's giving me time to unwind after work and supper. I've slept better. I've been more aware of my movements throughout the day. I'm focusing on how I shift my weight and how my posture is during activities because I know that although it feels strange now and takes some adjustment, it will eventually become natural. It's better for my body in the long run. 

I've thought about this quite a bit and it can easily be compared to how we study our Bibles and meditate on the things of God. Between yoga and church lately, the word meditate has come up quite frequently. It's something I don't do enough in any aspect of my life. I have many scattered thoughts but not near enough serious concentration on each thought. I'm one of those people who will start several projects and will work on bits and pieces at different times. I like to multitask. I like to be busy. Papaw Jim always says he 'piddles around' and I'd like to think that I'm similar in that respect. My parents both have always been busy and active doing things. They never seemed rushed, but were always engaged in something. Mom with a quilt project [or something else involving crafty things] and dad in the garage or in the woods. 

If you honestly sit down and think about what takes place during an average day in your life, you'll find that you pretty much go on autopilot. It's habit for me to wake up at 6, browse the internet/TV, eat breakfast, go to work at 7, come home for lunch around 12, let Molly out, go back to work until 5[ish here lately], I come home, get supper ready, relax for supper to settle, do yoga, sit down and study/write, take a shower, then go to bed. If it's church night, it comes before yoga in the list. 

My days aren't exciting by any means. They're routine and habit, but not exciting. I feel that we often treat meditating on God's word the same as we do our day. We feel that praying, reading, and going to church are just what we are supposed to do as Christians. We have lost our zeal and our excitement for being in God's word. It's easy to do - trust me - I'm the queen of starting strong and never finishing things. When's the last time you just sat down with God's word and were excited about what he was going to show you? Psalm 1:2 says "But his delight [is] in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." Getting in God's word should make us happy! We should delight in it! I'm afraid we lose the joy of studying [not reading] in our daily routines. We just add it to our daily checklist and move on through. I challenge each one of us [me included] to find our happy place in studying God's word. I promise that if you find something that interests you whether it's a passage describing the life of a prophet, a particular word in Hebrew, a certain subject (such as forgiveness or gratitude), or my favorite - history/geography, you'll begin making connections with other scriptures as you go. I remember studying for a lesson one time in the book of James where he asks if a fountain can bring forth fresh and salty water. I spent almost 2 hours in God's word without realizing it and studied springs and fountains. The fountain in James led to a study on Abraham and the well at Beersheba - a passage I wasn't familiar with at the time. 

Learning new things makes me happy - keeps me excited and interested. I want to never lose delight in studying the scriptures. I want to meditate on the scriptures like I've been doing for my yoga time. I tune everything else out and focus for that set amount of time on relaxing my body. I want to tune the rest of the world out and get alone with God and really hear what he has to say to me. Find a time for you when you can do the same, then let's talk about it with each other! (maybe that can be the subject of the next blog...that's a whole different ballgame)

David Bowie once said "Ch-ch-changes / Pretty soon now you're gonna get a little older / Time may change me"

Due to recent events in my life [related to health] I have had to make some changes. I've had to change things I eat, what I drink, increase my movements, etc. Change isn't something that comes easy to us as humans. Some may tolerate it better than others or deal with it better in some aspects of their lives, but none of us really excel with it. 

Growing up I always loved watching my dad. He always moved about his day so methodically. He had [and still has] a routine for everything. I remember him coming in from the garage before going into work [he worked 2nd shift for my entire childhood] - he would sit down on the left side of the couch, unlace his boots, and walk straight to the shower. His boots would sit under the coffee table and be waiting on him later when he had to go into work. We always knew not to sit in 'dad's spot' (and we still don't) and not to interrupt his routine. It would just throw his day off. My mom on the other hand...she's one of those who likes to mess with the routine. To this day I honestly believe that my parents never fought while Dillon and I were living at home and I still don't think they do. If they ever did, they sure had a good way of keeping it from us. I do remember Mom getting creative sometimes though when she'd get frustrated with dad around Christmas or when she wanted to move the living room around. He wouldn't want her to move the furniture because it was different, but somehow she always ended up with the Christmas tree where she wanted it...anyway, mom would always say "I'm going to move all the furniture in this living room to the left a quarter of an inch while your dad is at work just to drive him crazy when he gets home!" She knew that any sort of change would honestly upset him. 

In the life of a child, nothing has more of an impact on them than consistency whether it's with their education, home life, routines, etc. They need that source that will be the same no matter what else goes on in the day. Friends, we are children of God no matter what age we grow to be. God IS our consistency. He's the one that never changes. We can go to him anytime, anywhere, with anything. In Ecclesiastes 3:14 we see a perfect description of Christ: " I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him." We must set our eyes on things above, most importantly, our Father. I grew up knowing that even if I went out to play, ran to grandma's, or took a nap, my dad would still be in the same part of his daily routine. You could set your watch by him. Our relationship with Christ is the same way. We should know him inside and out and be able to have confidence that he'll come through no matter what we're doing. We should be such an example to others regarding the consistency and power of Christ that men should fear (yes, fear!) it because he always comes through. When God says he'll be there for us, he means it [the Bible says so in the Ecclesiastes verse and in Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever."]

I guess in some ways I'm similar to my dad which is what brought this up to begin with. I don't care for change, but in slightly different areas. It's always reassuring to know that no matter what life throws at us, we have a true, powerful, mighty God who will always be there for us in the good times and in the bad. The book of James is my favorite book of the Bible and I love the wording of this verse:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." - James 1:17

In Matthew Poole's Commentary on the phrase "with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning" he says: The sun, though it scattereth its beams every where, yet is not without its changes, parallaxes, and diversities of aspects, not only sometimes clear and sometimes eclipsed, but one while in the east, another in the south, then in the west; nor without its turnings in its annual course from tropic to tropic, (to which the Greek word here used seems to allude), its various accesses and recesses, by reason of which it casts different shadows: but God is always the same, like himself, constant in the emanations of his goodness, without casting any dark shadow of evil, which might infer a change in him.

Going back to the lyric from David Bowie, I'm beyond grateful that time is one of the many things that will never change our God. 

Pastor Daniel preached an incredible, applicable message last night. It's something I've been pondering on to some degree lately, but haven't thought about. There are reasons other than "because God said we should" for why we should be spending time in God's word. 

Here are my notes from last night's sermon:

Meditate means to think deeply on God's word. Meditation is the action used to prepare our hearts to pray. Scripture is to be the foundation of our prayers.

How do we mediate on God's word?

1.  Meditate to focus: Psalm 119:15 "I will meditate in thy precepts [guidelines in the Bible; rules, principles], and have respect (nabat in the Heberw - to look intently; to gaze upon) unto thy ways." Satan uses many things to distract us. We are to fix our eyes on his ways. Focusing on God's word allows us to pray with clarity.

2.  Meditate to understand: Psalm 119:27 "Make me to understand the way of thy precepts: so shall I talk of thy wondrous works." Good questions to ask yourself when reading God's word:

·   Why is this passage important?

·   What do I need to know about the passage?

·   What does it say about God?

·   What does it say about me?

·   How does this point to Jesus

3.  Meditate to remember: Psalm 143:5 "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse [ponder] on the work of thy hands." We need to get in God's word and mediate on the scriptures so we can recall them when we need them. We also meditate to remove what God has done for us in the past. He has blessed us so much in our lives. It's always good to remember and reflect.

4.  Meditate to have discernment Psalm 1:1-2 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. [2] But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." Discernment means looking through the outward appearance and seeing that something is not of God. We need to make good decisions in both the day and the night.

5.  Meditate to obey: Joshua 1:8 "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." We need to get into God's word to understand it and obey it - not to find reasons why it's ok to do the things that we want to do.

6.  Meditate to share: Psalm 77:12 "I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings." We meditate to share what God has revealed to us do that we can share with others.

7.  Meditate to rise above conflict: Psalm 119:23 "Princes also did sit and speak against me: but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes." In life we will always come across people who will do us wrong. The more we know about the examples that God provided for us in His word, the easier it will be for us to deal with confrontations and conflicts in our lives. 

8. Meditate to love God more: Psalm 119:48 "My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes." Lighting of the hands is a sign of praise. The more we know about God, the more we can grow to love him. 

9.  Meditate to keep a right spirit: Psalm 119:78 "Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts." Satan wants nothing more than for us to come into to church with a wrong spirit. We will get nothing from singing, preaching, fellowship, etc., if we have a bad spirit about us. 

10. Meditate to give more of ourselves to God: 1 Timothy 4:15 "Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all." 

11. Make meditating a priority: Psalm 119:148 "Mine eyes prevent the night watches, that I might meditate in thy word." Keeping all these things in mind, we must mediate and make it first in our lives. Our Christian walk will improve and because of that everything else in our lives will improve.

When I woke up this morning I had no idea what I was in for.

I woke up excited about wearing jeans and my football t-shirt to work [to celebrate the Superbowl of course]. I had my six-month check-up for my thyroid at 9:20am, but I wasn't worried about it. When I got there the nurse checked all my vitals, and things weren't right. 

     ·         I had a fever that I didn't know I had

     ·         My blood pressure was high

     ·         My resting pulse rate was 122

At first my doctor thought the high pulse was due to a machine error, so she checked it manually. Nope. 

When they checked it at the end of my appointment it was even higher. We chatted a bit and she recommended that I go see my general physician ASAP for an EKG because of my family history and the fact that I'm already on blood pressure regulators. Luckily they had an opening at 2, so I left there with a heart monitor to wear for 72 hours. It's uncomfortable, it itches, and it's not fashionable by any means. Once I got past the phrase "your heart isn't working right" ringing in my ear, I was able to calm down and think. I began to think about how every physical thing that I do in life has an effect on my heart. The things I eat and drink, medications I take, how I handle [or don't handle] stress, how I move, how I feel, etc. Our heart is the single most important organ in our body. Our minds are important too, but someone can be brain dead and still have a heartbeat.

In a spiritual sense, the heart is just as valuable. All through the Bible - Old Testament and New - the writers talked about the heart. Solomon said in Proverbs 4:23: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." After reading this verse I realized how important it is to guard our hearts. Within the heart lies our affections, our desires, our passions. We could easily give way to the world and let it consume us. It wouldn't take much with most of us either. I recently heard a missionary [Patrick Weimer] speak at our church and he didn't open his Bible a single time. It wasn't because he didn't preach the truth from it - it was because he had the passages memorized. I couldn't have flipped back and forth in my Bible fast enough to have kept up with him. It blew my mind. He was also one of the most Spirit-filled men I've ever seen too and I believe there's a simple reason for that. He had God's Word hidden in his heart. 

Most of us go through phases where we crash diet or try new exercise regimens to build up strength in our bodies and tone muscles. Any nutritionist will tell you that this is a horrible habit to get into because the going back and forth does more harm to your body. Here's how my diet/exercise routine typically works: 

     ·            I get motivated and run strong for a few weeks

     ·            I plateau after ten pounds and then simply try to maintain

     ·            I feel entitled to a piece of cake and start pushing boundaries

     ·            I get comfortable and that piece of cake gets washed down with a Mtn. Dew

     ·            I forget everything and end up right back where I was in the beginning

If you're going to make a difference it needs to be a 'lifestyle' adjustment; not an on again off again thing you do. We don't realize how easy it is to get like this in our Christian walk. Crash dieting with God's Word is even more dangerous than a crash diet with food/exercise. A few good services are wonderful motivation. We make it a priority to read more, study more, and pray more for a few weeks. It then becomes a habit and the 'newness' wears off. Time eventually becomes more of a priority and we begin taking time away from Bible studies, readings, and prayers. It eventually gets to the point where we depend on Sunday's messages to get us through the week. My friends, this is something we're all guilty of doing and it's killing us. We aren't keeping our spiritual hearts healthy. Do whatever you have to do in order to keep that blood flowing, that heart pumping, and keep building endurance. Find a workout partner; a person to keep you accountable. Find friends that delight in talking about the Lord with you to keep you motivated. Have study partners. Take up with a small-group study. Do anything it takes to keep building your love for God and the things of God. Make your heart only beat for Him. He gave his last breath and final heartbeats so that we could have life. Living for Him is the least we can do. 

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset [us], and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." - Hebrews 12:1-3

Today was fairly routine and normal. Nothing too exciting to talk about.

However, I had an encounter with one of my threes today that made me think. We have this "scientist" kit in my classroom that contains goggles, beakers, and test tubes. They are all made from thick plastic and they're big. My kids absolutely love them - they put our small counting dinosaurs down in them and make 'soup' and 'asperiments' (experiments). The test tubes have these plastic screw top lids on them and most of my class hasn't mastered that skill, so one will get them screwed on and when the next friend goes to play with it, it's 'stuck'. One of my tough boys wanted to get the dinosaurs out of the test tube and he couldn't get the lid off so he came to me and asked for help. I barely twisted it and it came off. 'J' was so happy and so grateful!

I began to think about God's strength. Immediately the verse from II Corinthians 12:9 came to mind: "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." When Paul wrote this verse he was describing a time when he prayed to God and God answered him. This verse was the answer Paul received from God. The best time for God to manifest himself in our lives is when we are at our weakest and can't do things on our own. It is in these times that God's strength and grace are brought out. God is always available for us when we need Him. I Chronicles 16:11 says "Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually." We should know by now that we can do nothing or take glory for anything because it's only through God that we make it from day to day. I love reading the Psalms that David wrote because you find him crying out to God so many times to help him through his situations. David knew that his strength was only found in the Lord. 

Just like my tough boy 'J', he knew he couldn't get that lid off without the help of someone stronger. He is stubborn, so of course he tried for a few minutes before asking for help - as humans, we do this. [I do anyway.] If I can fix it on my own, I will. Unfortunately this carries over into my spiritual life. Many times I'll struggle trying to get through something without calling on God or my prayer warriors. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to let God have control of certain areas in my life. I'm working on it though. 

I came across a verse in Deuteronomy 20:4 that stuck with me: "For the LORD your God [is] he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you."

Let God be your source of strength as you go throughout your days. Don't be afraid to ask him for help. He's here to be our guide, our strength, our everything. 

Today I have felt like a character from The Walking Dead. I have walked around like a zombie stuck in my own head from the moment my feet hit the floor. 

I imagine that encountering a zombie is not a pleasant thing to experience, but an emotional zombie would be even worse. I have done a very poor job of accomplishing the goal I stated in the previous post. I have not encouraged a single person today. I haven't even been able to motivate myself to do anything productive. When I got home from work today I was trying to think of a topic to use for today's post. I had to sit down and actually ask myself how I had seen God today. To be honest, I couldn't come up with one any better than "well, I'm alive and breathing so I guess that's how God worked in my life today."

I was being lazy. I was wallowing in self-pity.

As I sat down at my desk, I was easily distracted by my hands. We've been trying to recreate Eric Carle's artwork this week and today we finished up our layered paintings. Tell a three year old to run wild with paint, cover the whole 12"x18" paper, then use their hands and other random tools to create patterns in it and see what your hands look like at the end. Mine resembled a moving 3-D art piece painted by Jackson Pollock himself. After I washed them, I noticed a small red dot in the center of my right hand that I had forgotten about due to an incident that happened earlier in the day. 

I have this little girl in my class that loves earrings. Her ears are pierced and she shows them off to me every morning when she comes to school (her mom color coordinates them with her outfits). She's only been with me for two weeks now, but I noticed within the first few days that she likes to pull her earrings out during rest time. I always find the main earring part but can never retrieve the lovely little clear plastic backs that go with them. I've started taking them out right after lunch so we don't lose them, but today I forgot. When she woke up from nap she came straight to me and said "Mrs. Miki, my earrings are in my bed" (the ends dip down so they can be easily stacked and she stows them away here). The holes are just an inch longer than my fingers so I have to tip the bed on its side and shake the earrings out. One of those lovely little backs escaped and I was now searching all over for it. I had put one earring in her ear and left the other one on the 2.5 foot tall shelf beside of us. When I went to push myself up from the floor, I set my hand down on the post of that tiny earring and when I stood up [putting my 200 pounds of pressure on it], the earring was stuck in my hand. I wanted to scream so bad. My little one saw the blood coming out of my hand and she said "uh-oh Mrs. Miki, I gave you a boo boo!" [you have to get used to three year old logic sometimes - she knew that she herself didn't hurt me, but an object of hers did and it caused her to believe that it was her fault].

Looking at that tiny little red spot on my hand, it caused me to recall the crucifixion and the piercing that Christ endured (along with so many other horrible punishments). He wasn't stabbed with a tiny earring post either - it was with nails. Large, iron nails. Read Psalm 22 to get a better picture of the crucifixion details. I began to wonder how we look at the crucifixion. Do we even think about it other than Easter and Christmas? How does it make us feel? My little 'E' felt guilty just because an item of hers caused me pain. Our sins put Christ on that cross. Do we feel guilty? Once we get saved and accept Christ it doesn't mean that we never face sin again. Paul talked about putting off the old man (his sin nature) and crucifying himself daily. Temptation doesn't leave us once we accept Christ. To be perfectly honest, we get more of it. Satan works harder on God's children to make them fall. If we crucify ourselves daily, it's a reminder of what Christ went through so that we could obtain eternal life. Crucifixion has never been done for fun - it's extremely painful. As a Christian in her late 20's, I'll admit that when I'm around others that don't know Christ, the temptation is strong to do the things that they do. Sometimes it would be easier to give in and participate in the parties than to explain why I don't drink. It's easier to give into to the devil and let him rule our minds with feelings of doubt and worry. It's easy and more comfortable for us to give into self-pity. These are sins of the flesh - it's part of how we were born! We have a sin nature in us, meaning that we are wired to sin. It takes more effort to fight against these things and become victorious over them. I must recall what the scriptures say: "and Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;" - I Peter 4:1. There's a song that the choir at Blue Rock (my home church) sang that I always loved. It said "It'll be worth it after child; it'll be worth it after all. After all of these trials, it'll be worth it after all." Crucifying ourselves daily with Christ might be hard now and might cause us to miss out on a few things, but Paul said it best in Romans 8:18 when he said: "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us". Children of God, our day is coming! In the meantime, be mindful of what Christ went through so that we could have this blessed hope. He took on the pain of our sins. We put Him on that cross and we caused Him to endure that pain, and he took it all willingly because he first loved US.

Galatians 2:20: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

I left work feeling defeated and just wanted to come home and crash on the couch with something greasy and cheesy, but made myself do otherwise. I had plans to eat dinner with the hubs and my friend (and neighbor from back home) at The Loop and then I was going to a LuLaRoe popup event at a church member's house. I wasn't particularly dreading any of these but I was really set on the idea of my couch. 

As usual, supper at The Loop was great - they never disappoint. The company was great too :) I love sitting over dinner with my husband and talking about how our day went. Now, for the LuLaRoe party, I was a little more apprehensive. It was a girls only event so I was solo. I knew the hostess and a few other people from church that said they might be there, so my anxieties were relived a little. 

Long story short: I sucked it up, went in, and had a WONDERFUL time. 

We had fun just being girls, trying on all kinds of cute stuff in different colors and patterns, and then playing 'process of elimination' to see which ones wouldn't break the bank if we bought them. As we were trying them on, I never heard a negative word come from anyone when we came out to 'model' our pieces. All of the ladies were so encouraging even if you didn't feel the most comfortable in what you had on. On my way home I was reflecting on this and thought about the power of encouragement and encouraging words. First we'll look at some scripture:

• Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
• I Thessalonians 5:11 says "Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do."
• Hebrews 3:13 states "But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."
• And now, for one of my favorite scriptures, Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."

I bring these up because they all talk about how we should communicate with fellow Christians. No corrupt communication, edify [which means to build up], minister, comfort, exhort, consider one another, provoke them to do good, get together and do it often. All of these descriptions are found in these five verses. My home pastor always said that if God felt the need to repeat himself then that means we should pay even more attention to it. If you think of most complications in church it's all due to communication - either in the wrong way or by having none at all. All of those words I listed earlier are relating to communication. If you are shopping with your best friend would you rather them say "you look lumpier than Aunt Shirley's mashed potatoes in that", or "that's a good color on you - let's see what other styles come in that color"? I'd rather hear the second one. The first one is pretty much saying that the outfit is too tight and you look fat. That feedback is going to set the mood for the rest of your shopping excursion. 

When we get together with our Christian sisters [and brothers], we should be provoking [urging] them to love and do good works. How often do we automatically go to what went wrong during the day? Ladies - how quick do we go to criticizing a fellow sister for what she's wearing or for that crazy article she posted on facebook? Before you stop reading - I know, I know. It hurts. We're all guilty of it. Our speech with one another should be for building one another up. How often do you leave a conversation wanting to jump in and serve the Lord even more than you already do? Let's change the way we leave one another. Let's not only encourage one another emotionally, but more importantly, encourage one another spiritually. Let's let our Lord shine through us constantly. Let's leave every interaction we have with others bring Romans 15:13 to their mind: "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Something about that verse just gives me peace and makes me want to share the gospel even more so others can know of the goodness and graciousness of our Lord. It provokes me to do more. 

In conclusion, to sum up my night: new friends were made, prior acquaintances became friends, and I came home with an adorable skirt and a long wish-list of cute dresses, skirts, and shirts :) 

I had high hopes for today - I really did. 

Molly dog didn't feel the urge to go potty last night so I actually got to sleep for several hours consecutively. My alarm was set for 6am but at 5:45 I was wide awake and I now had extra time to type my lesson plans before having to be at work at 7am. Work was quiet when I walked in, transitions were smooth, and since I woke up early I already had caffeine flowing through my veins. It was the recipe for a perfect day. The day progressed and it seemed like more and more papers and checklists were piling up on my desk, my Eric Carle cutouts weren't cooperating (I love the man's artwork, but for the life of me I could not get my sheep to look like his), and all of the adults seemed to have the same attitude that I was beginning to get. I'll be honest, I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. My lunch break came right on time and I couldn't drive the 1.2 mile commute from work to home fast enough. 

I'm going to be honest - I eat my feelings. When I got home my lunch consisted of sour cream and onion chips, a Klondike bar, and Mtn. Dew. 

After my 'lunch' and catching up on Dance Moms [you can laugh - it's my guilty pleasure and I accept that] it was time to go back to work. On a typical day I relieve someone else's lunch in the infant room for an hour and then go back to my classroom when my kids are waking up from nap. I absolutely love snuggling with sweet babies, but doing this left no time for me to work on lesson plans or anything since I was out of my classroom during the entire rest time. I was expecting this same routine today but I walked in to a nice surprise. Someone else was in the infant room and I was able to be in my classroom. I got to sit down and check off those checklists that overwhelmed me earlier. It might seem silly, but I couldn't help but think of Matthew 11:28 where Christ said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." If you've never worked in childcare you have no idea how a checklist can send you over the edge. You're already playing the role of an educator, a caregiver, a referee, a mediator between kids and parents, a doctor, a comforter, a comedian, a sanitation soldier (especially in the state of NC but I won't go into that...), and trying to set a good example and show children how to become adults all while not being able to tell them 'no', 'stop', 'don't', or put them in time out. This extra hour in my day was my rest. I was able to breathe. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the playground enjoying the beautiful day and I even had some time to clean the painted bear scene off my windows.

My favorite part of the day comes in now :)

One of my kids was being picked up while I was in my room cleaning and her mom came in to get her things from her cubby. We were talking about the potluck dinner they were headed to this evening at their church. My sweet little 'T' overheard us and she said with great excitement, "I get to eat dinner at church tonight! Tomorrow night you can come with me." She wasn't apprehensive about extending the invitation and she wasn't worried that I would turn her down. I suddenly became envious of my sweet 'T' - I wanted to approach people how she did. I don't want to be overcome with fears of rejection or defeat when witnessing or simply inviting someone to church. We stop the Holy Spirit before he even gets a chance to work through us. We're giving power to the devil each and every time this happens. He knows that every time you're afraid to speak to that stranger or family member, it's more time for him to work in them. Paul gave Timothy some advice in II Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." To me, it sounds like Timothy might have been a little shy and Paul was having to give him reassurance that when it comes to sharing the gospel, fear comes from Satan. Paul was a man of boldness. He got his point across no matter what tried to get in his way and he wanted Timothy to do the same. That's all Christ asks of us. He asked that we share the good news with others. 

We just finished up a Missions Conference [the first one I've ever attended], and I had a chance to listen to wonderful testimonies of people who gave up their families, possessions, and comforts to go and share the gospel. I can't even get past Kernersville, much less branching out beyond. I want the boldness that 'T' showed me today. I want the boldness that Paul had when approaching the lost. I want the boldness that Christ showed in John 15:13 - "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends". My sweet 'T', your invitation spoke volumes to me today <3 

I can't say that I've ever paid attention to this verse before because I usually reason myself out of witnessing or sharing the gospel, but Hebrews 13:6 hit me hard tonight: "So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

No matter what men may say, never fail to give the invitation for someone to share in the love of Christ. 

PURPOSE

THE PREQUEL:

[if this was the opening to STAR WARS, this part of the text would be scrolling 

as the theme music plays]

I'm not going to say I'm 'socially awkward', but speaking to more than one or two people at a time terrifies me (seriously - to the point where I want to pass out where I stand). After Josh [the hubs] was called to preach, I spent over a year fighting with God about starting a women's Bible study in the church we were in. I had always been told if God lays something on your heart that needs to be done, he's calling YOU to do it. I finally gave in and taught. The study grew, progressed, and was successful for several years. During that time we did several different themed studies, and to make the information more accessible to those who couldn't attend, I would create blogs to go with each study. It was effective, simple, and I could share the same information as I did during the lessons AND reach more people. 

I never make resolutions for New Year's because I know I'll never keep them, however this year was different. We made one of the hardest decisions that I've ever made about six months ago, and that was to leave the church that Josh had grown up in and that I had been attending since we met. It's where he got ordained, where our family was, where our friends were. We had felt God moving in us for quite some time before we finally acted on those feelings. After two visits to the church right down the road from us, we knew that's where we needed to be. On January 3rd we made things official and joined. 

NOW, WHY THIS BLOG EXISTS:

The theme for the year at church is "Beyond Their Power", from the scripture found in II Corinthians 8:3 "For to their power, I bear record, yea, and beyond their power they were willing of themselves;". If you read the verses prior to this one, you learn that Paul is talking about the people from the Macedonian churches [Philippi, Thessalonica, and Berea] who gave exceedingly to the poor in Judaea. The important thing is that they not only set aside monetary gifts, but they were willing of themselves. Once I meditated on this theme and the history behind it I began to put it in relation to my life. I've never had trouble donating or giving monetarily - however, I can get selfish with my time. I don't mean selfish as though I don't do anything for church, my community, or for others, but even after those activities, I still have quite a bit of time on my hands that I don't use properly. God has shaken me up lately and has laid this on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I studied so much harder when I knew I had to teach every week. I'm meticulous because of my anxieties, so I would come up with lists of every single question that I could think that someone could possible ask me about a lesson and I would spend all week finding answers to them. My biggest fear was giving a wrong answer or having to respond with "I don't know...". 

We've been involved at Kerwin, but nowhere near what I was used to previously, so it has led to all this extra time. I've slacked in studying and I've struggled more with my depression [it's one of those lovely things that I got from my mother and her mother, and her mother, etc. I would've much rather had the olive complexion that they all have]. I've been trying to think about why this has happened :

• I'm happy with life and where I work
• I've recently reconnected with a best friend from childhood who I have phone dates with every Tuesday at 8pm because she's 3 hours away, and it has filled the void for a good Christian confidant that I've been looking to fill for a long time
• My marriage is wonderful and so is my family
• I have the best dog ever

All of this is well and good, but it's nothing if God isn't in it, and I had lost touch with God. We became distant much like my relationship with Brit (my friend who I've reconnected with). I still thought of God often, loved Him, and checked in on Him, but didn't pick up the phone to make the call for it to be personal. Again, much like the situation with Brit, she didn't go anywhere; I did. I was the one who moved away for school and didn't keep in touch. God didn't go anywhere - he's everywhere. He said he would never leave us nor forsake us. I was the one who moved. I drifted away. 

Back to why this exists - my desire is to spend more time with God. To really get to know Him, who He is, how He works, how He thinks, how He would do things. I want to walk away from each and every day with an example of how God has worked specifically in my life during that day. This is where I'll keep those examples. I want to be able to witness to someone and say "hey, can I tell you the funniest thing? God did this for me today." Christ used parables and every day situations to get the gospel across to others. I want to be able to recall those events in my life and use them with others. We never know what will trigger a thought or question in someone's mind. I know God can use anything, so I'm praying that he'll use me.