PURPOSE

THE PREQUEL:

[if this was the opening to STAR WARS, this part of the text would be scrolling 

as the theme music plays]

I'm not going to say I'm 'socially awkward', but speaking to more than one or two people at a time terrifies me (seriously - to the point where I want to pass out where I stand). After Josh [the hubs] was called to preach, I spent over a year fighting with God about starting a women's Bible study in the church we were in. I had always been told if God lays something on your heart that needs to be done, he's calling YOU to do it. I finally gave in and taught. The study grew, progressed, and was successful for several years. During that time we did several different themed studies, and to make the information more accessible to those who couldn't attend, I would create blogs to go with each study. It was effective, simple, and I could share the same information as I did during the lessons AND reach more people. 

I never make resolutions for New Year's because I know I'll never keep them, however this year was different. We made one of the hardest decisions that I've ever made about six months ago, and that was to leave the church that Josh had grown up in and that I had been attending since we met. It's where he got ordained, where our family was, where our friends were. We had felt God moving in us for quite some time before we finally acted on those feelings. After two visits to the church right down the road from us, we knew that's where we needed to be. On January 3rd we made things official and joined. 

NOW, WHY THIS BLOG EXISTS:

The theme for the year at church is "Beyond Their Power", from the scripture found in II Corinthians 8:3 "For to their power, I bear record, yea, and beyond their power they were willing of themselves;". If you read the verses prior to this one, you learn that Paul is talking about the people from the Macedonian churches [Philippi, Thessalonica, and Berea] who gave exceedingly to the poor in Judaea. The important thing is that they not only set aside monetary gifts, but they were willing of themselves. Once I meditated on this theme and the history behind it I began to put it in relation to my life. I've never had trouble donating or giving monetarily - however, I can get selfish with my time. I don't mean selfish as though I don't do anything for church, my community, or for others, but even after those activities, I still have quite a bit of time on my hands that I don't use properly. God has shaken me up lately and has laid this on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I studied so much harder when I knew I had to teach every week. I'm meticulous because of my anxieties, so I would come up with lists of every single question that I could think that someone could possible ask me about a lesson and I would spend all week finding answers to them. My biggest fear was giving a wrong answer or having to respond with "I don't know...". 

We've been involved at Kerwin, but nowhere near what I was used to previously, so it has led to all this extra time. I've slacked in studying and I've struggled more with my depression [it's one of those lovely things that I got from my mother and her mother, and her mother, etc. I would've much rather had the olive complexion that they all have]. I've been trying to think about why this has happened :

• I'm happy with life and where I work
• I've recently reconnected with a best friend from childhood who I have phone dates with every Tuesday at 8pm because she's 3 hours away, and it has filled the void for a good Christian confidant that I've been looking to fill for a long time
• My marriage is wonderful and so is my family
• I have the best dog ever

All of this is well and good, but it's nothing if God isn't in it, and I had lost touch with God. We became distant much like my relationship with Brit (my friend who I've reconnected with). I still thought of God often, loved Him, and checked in on Him, but didn't pick up the phone to make the call for it to be personal. Again, much like the situation with Brit, she didn't go anywhere; I did. I was the one who moved away for school and didn't keep in touch. God didn't go anywhere - he's everywhere. He said he would never leave us nor forsake us. I was the one who moved. I drifted away. 

Back to why this exists - my desire is to spend more time with God. To really get to know Him, who He is, how He works, how He thinks, how He would do things. I want to walk away from each and every day with an example of how God has worked specifically in my life during that day. This is where I'll keep those examples. I want to be able to witness to someone and say "hey, can I tell you the funniest thing? God did this for me today." Christ used parables and every day situations to get the gospel across to others. I want to be able to recall those events in my life and use them with others. We never know what will trigger a thought or question in someone's mind. I know God can use anything, so I'm praying that he'll use me.