HEART

When I woke up this morning I had no idea what I was in for.

I woke up excited about wearing jeans and my football t-shirt to work [to celebrate the Superbowl of course]. I had my six-month check-up for my thyroid at 9:20am, but I wasn't worried about it. When I got there the nurse checked all my vitals, and things weren't right. 

     ·         I had a fever that I didn't know I had

     ·         My blood pressure was high

     ·         My resting pulse rate was 122

At first my doctor thought the high pulse was due to a machine error, so she checked it manually. Nope. 

When they checked it at the end of my appointment it was even higher. We chatted a bit and she recommended that I go see my general physician ASAP for an EKG because of my family history and the fact that I'm already on blood pressure regulators. Luckily they had an opening at 2, so I left there with a heart monitor to wear for 72 hours. It's uncomfortable, it itches, and it's not fashionable by any means. Once I got past the phrase "your heart isn't working right" ringing in my ear, I was able to calm down and think. I began to think about how every physical thing that I do in life has an effect on my heart. The things I eat and drink, medications I take, how I handle [or don't handle] stress, how I move, how I feel, etc. Our heart is the single most important organ in our body. Our minds are important too, but someone can be brain dead and still have a heartbeat.

In a spiritual sense, the heart is just as valuable. All through the Bible - Old Testament and New - the writers talked about the heart. Solomon said in Proverbs 4:23: "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." After reading this verse I realized how important it is to guard our hearts. Within the heart lies our affections, our desires, our passions. We could easily give way to the world and let it consume us. It wouldn't take much with most of us either. I recently heard a missionary [Patrick Weimer] speak at our church and he didn't open his Bible a single time. It wasn't because he didn't preach the truth from it - it was because he had the passages memorized. I couldn't have flipped back and forth in my Bible fast enough to have kept up with him. It blew my mind. He was also one of the most Spirit-filled men I've ever seen too and I believe there's a simple reason for that. He had God's Word hidden in his heart. 

Most of us go through phases where we crash diet or try new exercise regimens to build up strength in our bodies and tone muscles. Any nutritionist will tell you that this is a horrible habit to get into because the going back and forth does more harm to your body. Here's how my diet/exercise routine typically works: 

     ·            I get motivated and run strong for a few weeks

     ·            I plateau after ten pounds and then simply try to maintain

     ·            I feel entitled to a piece of cake and start pushing boundaries

     ·            I get comfortable and that piece of cake gets washed down with a Mtn. Dew

     ·            I forget everything and end up right back where I was in the beginning

If you're going to make a difference it needs to be a 'lifestyle' adjustment; not an on again off again thing you do. We don't realize how easy it is to get like this in our Christian walk. Crash dieting with God's Word is even more dangerous than a crash diet with food/exercise. A few good services are wonderful motivation. We make it a priority to read more, study more, and pray more for a few weeks. It then becomes a habit and the 'newness' wears off. Time eventually becomes more of a priority and we begin taking time away from Bible studies, readings, and prayers. It eventually gets to the point where we depend on Sunday's messages to get us through the week. My friends, this is something we're all guilty of doing and it's killing us. We aren't keeping our spiritual hearts healthy. Do whatever you have to do in order to keep that blood flowing, that heart pumping, and keep building endurance. Find a workout partner; a person to keep you accountable. Find friends that delight in talking about the Lord with you to keep you motivated. Have study partners. Take up with a small-group study. Do anything it takes to keep building your love for God and the things of God. Make your heart only beat for Him. He gave his last breath and final heartbeats so that we could have life. Living for Him is the least we can do. 

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset [us], and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." - Hebrews 12:1-3

Today was fairly routine and normal. Nothing too exciting to talk about.

However, I had an encounter with one of my threes today that made me think. We have this "scientist" kit in my classroom that contains goggles, beakers, and test tubes. They are all made from thick plastic and they're big. My kids absolutely love them - they put our small counting dinosaurs down in them and make 'soup' and 'asperiments' (experiments). The test tubes have these plastic screw top lids on them and most of my class hasn't mastered that skill, so one will get them screwed on and when the next friend goes to play with it, it's 'stuck'. One of my tough boys wanted to get the dinosaurs out of the test tube and he couldn't get the lid off so he came to me and asked for help. I barely twisted it and it came off. 'J' was so happy and so grateful!

I began to think about God's strength. Immediately the verse from II Corinthians 12:9 came to mind: "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." When Paul wrote this verse he was describing a time when he prayed to God and God answered him. This verse was the answer Paul received from God. The best time for God to manifest himself in our lives is when we are at our weakest and can't do things on our own. It is in these times that God's strength and grace are brought out. God is always available for us when we need Him. I Chronicles 16:11 says "Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually." We should know by now that we can do nothing or take glory for anything because it's only through God that we make it from day to day. I love reading the Psalms that David wrote because you find him crying out to God so many times to help him through his situations. David knew that his strength was only found in the Lord. 

Just like my tough boy 'J', he knew he couldn't get that lid off without the help of someone stronger. He is stubborn, so of course he tried for a few minutes before asking for help - as humans, we do this. [I do anyway.] If I can fix it on my own, I will. Unfortunately this carries over into my spiritual life. Many times I'll struggle trying to get through something without calling on God or my prayer warriors. I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to let God have control of certain areas in my life. I'm working on it though. 

I came across a verse in Deuteronomy 20:4 that stuck with me: "For the LORD your God [is] he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you."

Let God be your source of strength as you go throughout your days. Don't be afraid to ask him for help. He's here to be our guide, our strength, our everything. 

Today I have felt like a character from The Walking Dead. I have walked around like a zombie stuck in my own head from the moment my feet hit the floor. 

I imagine that encountering a zombie is not a pleasant thing to experience, but an emotional zombie would be even worse. I have done a very poor job of accomplishing the goal I stated in the previous post. I have not encouraged a single person today. I haven't even been able to motivate myself to do anything productive. When I got home from work today I was trying to think of a topic to use for today's post. I had to sit down and actually ask myself how I had seen God today. To be honest, I couldn't come up with one any better than "well, I'm alive and breathing so I guess that's how God worked in my life today."

I was being lazy. I was wallowing in self-pity.

As I sat down at my desk, I was easily distracted by my hands. We've been trying to recreate Eric Carle's artwork this week and today we finished up our layered paintings. Tell a three year old to run wild with paint, cover the whole 12"x18" paper, then use their hands and other random tools to create patterns in it and see what your hands look like at the end. Mine resembled a moving 3-D art piece painted by Jackson Pollock himself. After I washed them, I noticed a small red dot in the center of my right hand that I had forgotten about due to an incident that happened earlier in the day. 

I have this little girl in my class that loves earrings. Her ears are pierced and she shows them off to me every morning when she comes to school (her mom color coordinates them with her outfits). She's only been with me for two weeks now, but I noticed within the first few days that she likes to pull her earrings out during rest time. I always find the main earring part but can never retrieve the lovely little clear plastic backs that go with them. I've started taking them out right after lunch so we don't lose them, but today I forgot. When she woke up from nap she came straight to me and said "Mrs. Miki, my earrings are in my bed" (the ends dip down so they can be easily stacked and she stows them away here). The holes are just an inch longer than my fingers so I have to tip the bed on its side and shake the earrings out. One of those lovely little backs escaped and I was now searching all over for it. I had put one earring in her ear and left the other one on the 2.5 foot tall shelf beside of us. When I went to push myself up from the floor, I set my hand down on the post of that tiny earring and when I stood up [putting my 200 pounds of pressure on it], the earring was stuck in my hand. I wanted to scream so bad. My little one saw the blood coming out of my hand and she said "uh-oh Mrs. Miki, I gave you a boo boo!" [you have to get used to three year old logic sometimes - she knew that she herself didn't hurt me, but an object of hers did and it caused her to believe that it was her fault].

Looking at that tiny little red spot on my hand, it caused me to recall the crucifixion and the piercing that Christ endured (along with so many other horrible punishments). He wasn't stabbed with a tiny earring post either - it was with nails. Large, iron nails. Read Psalm 22 to get a better picture of the crucifixion details. I began to wonder how we look at the crucifixion. Do we even think about it other than Easter and Christmas? How does it make us feel? My little 'E' felt guilty just because an item of hers caused me pain. Our sins put Christ on that cross. Do we feel guilty? Once we get saved and accept Christ it doesn't mean that we never face sin again. Paul talked about putting off the old man (his sin nature) and crucifying himself daily. Temptation doesn't leave us once we accept Christ. To be perfectly honest, we get more of it. Satan works harder on God's children to make them fall. If we crucify ourselves daily, it's a reminder of what Christ went through so that we could obtain eternal life. Crucifixion has never been done for fun - it's extremely painful. As a Christian in her late 20's, I'll admit that when I'm around others that don't know Christ, the temptation is strong to do the things that they do. Sometimes it would be easier to give in and participate in the parties than to explain why I don't drink. It's easier to give into to the devil and let him rule our minds with feelings of doubt and worry. It's easy and more comfortable for us to give into self-pity. These are sins of the flesh - it's part of how we were born! We have a sin nature in us, meaning that we are wired to sin. It takes more effort to fight against these things and become victorious over them. I must recall what the scriptures say: "and Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;" - I Peter 4:1. There's a song that the choir at Blue Rock (my home church) sang that I always loved. It said "It'll be worth it after child; it'll be worth it after all. After all of these trials, it'll be worth it after all." Crucifying ourselves daily with Christ might be hard now and might cause us to miss out on a few things, but Paul said it best in Romans 8:18 when he said: "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us". Children of God, our day is coming! In the meantime, be mindful of what Christ went through so that we could have this blessed hope. He took on the pain of our sins. We put Him on that cross and we caused Him to endure that pain, and he took it all willingly because he first loved US.

Galatians 2:20: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

I left work feeling defeated and just wanted to come home and crash on the couch with something greasy and cheesy, but made myself do otherwise. I had plans to eat dinner with the hubs and my friend (and neighbor from back home) at The Loop and then I was going to a LuLaRoe popup event at a church member's house. I wasn't particularly dreading any of these but I was really set on the idea of my couch. 

As usual, supper at The Loop was great - they never disappoint. The company was great too :) I love sitting over dinner with my husband and talking about how our day went. Now, for the LuLaRoe party, I was a little more apprehensive. It was a girls only event so I was solo. I knew the hostess and a few other people from church that said they might be there, so my anxieties were relived a little. 

Long story short: I sucked it up, went in, and had a WONDERFUL time. 

We had fun just being girls, trying on all kinds of cute stuff in different colors and patterns, and then playing 'process of elimination' to see which ones wouldn't break the bank if we bought them. As we were trying them on, I never heard a negative word come from anyone when we came out to 'model' our pieces. All of the ladies were so encouraging even if you didn't feel the most comfortable in what you had on. On my way home I was reflecting on this and thought about the power of encouragement and encouraging words. First we'll look at some scripture:

• Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."
• I Thessalonians 5:11 says "Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do."
• Hebrews 3:13 states "But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin."
• And now, for one of my favorite scriptures, Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."

I bring these up because they all talk about how we should communicate with fellow Christians. No corrupt communication, edify [which means to build up], minister, comfort, exhort, consider one another, provoke them to do good, get together and do it often. All of these descriptions are found in these five verses. My home pastor always said that if God felt the need to repeat himself then that means we should pay even more attention to it. If you think of most complications in church it's all due to communication - either in the wrong way or by having none at all. All of those words I listed earlier are relating to communication. If you are shopping with your best friend would you rather them say "you look lumpier than Aunt Shirley's mashed potatoes in that", or "that's a good color on you - let's see what other styles come in that color"? I'd rather hear the second one. The first one is pretty much saying that the outfit is too tight and you look fat. That feedback is going to set the mood for the rest of your shopping excursion. 

When we get together with our Christian sisters [and brothers], we should be provoking [urging] them to love and do good works. How often do we automatically go to what went wrong during the day? Ladies - how quick do we go to criticizing a fellow sister for what she's wearing or for that crazy article she posted on facebook? Before you stop reading - I know, I know. It hurts. We're all guilty of it. Our speech with one another should be for building one another up. How often do you leave a conversation wanting to jump in and serve the Lord even more than you already do? Let's change the way we leave one another. Let's not only encourage one another emotionally, but more importantly, encourage one another spiritually. Let's let our Lord shine through us constantly. Let's leave every interaction we have with others bring Romans 15:13 to their mind: "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Something about that verse just gives me peace and makes me want to share the gospel even more so others can know of the goodness and graciousness of our Lord. It provokes me to do more. 

In conclusion, to sum up my night: new friends were made, prior acquaintances became friends, and I came home with an adorable skirt and a long wish-list of cute dresses, skirts, and shirts :) 

I had high hopes for today - I really did. 

Molly dog didn't feel the urge to go potty last night so I actually got to sleep for several hours consecutively. My alarm was set for 6am but at 5:45 I was wide awake and I now had extra time to type my lesson plans before having to be at work at 7am. Work was quiet when I walked in, transitions were smooth, and since I woke up early I already had caffeine flowing through my veins. It was the recipe for a perfect day. The day progressed and it seemed like more and more papers and checklists were piling up on my desk, my Eric Carle cutouts weren't cooperating (I love the man's artwork, but for the life of me I could not get my sheep to look like his), and all of the adults seemed to have the same attitude that I was beginning to get. I'll be honest, I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. My lunch break came right on time and I couldn't drive the 1.2 mile commute from work to home fast enough. 

I'm going to be honest - I eat my feelings. When I got home my lunch consisted of sour cream and onion chips, a Klondike bar, and Mtn. Dew. 

After my 'lunch' and catching up on Dance Moms [you can laugh - it's my guilty pleasure and I accept that] it was time to go back to work. On a typical day I relieve someone else's lunch in the infant room for an hour and then go back to my classroom when my kids are waking up from nap. I absolutely love snuggling with sweet babies, but doing this left no time for me to work on lesson plans or anything since I was out of my classroom during the entire rest time. I was expecting this same routine today but I walked in to a nice surprise. Someone else was in the infant room and I was able to be in my classroom. I got to sit down and check off those checklists that overwhelmed me earlier. It might seem silly, but I couldn't help but think of Matthew 11:28 where Christ said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." If you've never worked in childcare you have no idea how a checklist can send you over the edge. You're already playing the role of an educator, a caregiver, a referee, a mediator between kids and parents, a doctor, a comforter, a comedian, a sanitation soldier (especially in the state of NC but I won't go into that...), and trying to set a good example and show children how to become adults all while not being able to tell them 'no', 'stop', 'don't', or put them in time out. This extra hour in my day was my rest. I was able to breathe. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the playground enjoying the beautiful day and I even had some time to clean the painted bear scene off my windows.

My favorite part of the day comes in now :)

One of my kids was being picked up while I was in my room cleaning and her mom came in to get her things from her cubby. We were talking about the potluck dinner they were headed to this evening at their church. My sweet little 'T' overheard us and she said with great excitement, "I get to eat dinner at church tonight! Tomorrow night you can come with me." She wasn't apprehensive about extending the invitation and she wasn't worried that I would turn her down. I suddenly became envious of my sweet 'T' - I wanted to approach people how she did. I don't want to be overcome with fears of rejection or defeat when witnessing or simply inviting someone to church. We stop the Holy Spirit before he even gets a chance to work through us. We're giving power to the devil each and every time this happens. He knows that every time you're afraid to speak to that stranger or family member, it's more time for him to work in them. Paul gave Timothy some advice in II Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." To me, it sounds like Timothy might have been a little shy and Paul was having to give him reassurance that when it comes to sharing the gospel, fear comes from Satan. Paul was a man of boldness. He got his point across no matter what tried to get in his way and he wanted Timothy to do the same. That's all Christ asks of us. He asked that we share the good news with others. 

We just finished up a Missions Conference [the first one I've ever attended], and I had a chance to listen to wonderful testimonies of people who gave up their families, possessions, and comforts to go and share the gospel. I can't even get past Kernersville, much less branching out beyond. I want the boldness that 'T' showed me today. I want the boldness that Paul had when approaching the lost. I want the boldness that Christ showed in John 15:13 - "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends". My sweet 'T', your invitation spoke volumes to me today <3 

I can't say that I've ever paid attention to this verse before because I usually reason myself out of witnessing or sharing the gospel, but Hebrews 13:6 hit me hard tonight: "So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

No matter what men may say, never fail to give the invitation for someone to share in the love of Christ. 

PURPOSE

THE PREQUEL:

[if this was the opening to STAR WARS, this part of the text would be scrolling 

as the theme music plays]

I'm not going to say I'm 'socially awkward', but speaking to more than one or two people at a time terrifies me (seriously - to the point where I want to pass out where I stand). After Josh [the hubs] was called to preach, I spent over a year fighting with God about starting a women's Bible study in the church we were in. I had always been told if God lays something on your heart that needs to be done, he's calling YOU to do it. I finally gave in and taught. The study grew, progressed, and was successful for several years. During that time we did several different themed studies, and to make the information more accessible to those who couldn't attend, I would create blogs to go with each study. It was effective, simple, and I could share the same information as I did during the lessons AND reach more people. 

I never make resolutions for New Year's because I know I'll never keep them, however this year was different. We made one of the hardest decisions that I've ever made about six months ago, and that was to leave the church that Josh had grown up in and that I had been attending since we met. It's where he got ordained, where our family was, where our friends were. We had felt God moving in us for quite some time before we finally acted on those feelings. After two visits to the church right down the road from us, we knew that's where we needed to be. On January 3rd we made things official and joined. 

NOW, WHY THIS BLOG EXISTS:

The theme for the year at church is "Beyond Their Power", from the scripture found in II Corinthians 8:3 "For to their power, I bear record, yea, and beyond their power they were willing of themselves;". If you read the verses prior to this one, you learn that Paul is talking about the people from the Macedonian churches [Philippi, Thessalonica, and Berea] who gave exceedingly to the poor in Judaea. The important thing is that they not only set aside monetary gifts, but they were willing of themselves. Once I meditated on this theme and the history behind it I began to put it in relation to my life. I've never had trouble donating or giving monetarily - however, I can get selfish with my time. I don't mean selfish as though I don't do anything for church, my community, or for others, but even after those activities, I still have quite a bit of time on my hands that I don't use properly. God has shaken me up lately and has laid this on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I studied so much harder when I knew I had to teach every week. I'm meticulous because of my anxieties, so I would come up with lists of every single question that I could think that someone could possible ask me about a lesson and I would spend all week finding answers to them. My biggest fear was giving a wrong answer or having to respond with "I don't know...". 

We've been involved at Kerwin, but nowhere near what I was used to previously, so it has led to all this extra time. I've slacked in studying and I've struggled more with my depression [it's one of those lovely things that I got from my mother and her mother, and her mother, etc. I would've much rather had the olive complexion that they all have]. I've been trying to think about why this has happened :

• I'm happy with life and where I work
• I've recently reconnected with a best friend from childhood who I have phone dates with every Tuesday at 8pm because she's 3 hours away, and it has filled the void for a good Christian confidant that I've been looking to fill for a long time
• My marriage is wonderful and so is my family
• I have the best dog ever

All of this is well and good, but it's nothing if God isn't in it, and I had lost touch with God. We became distant much like my relationship with Brit (my friend who I've reconnected with). I still thought of God often, loved Him, and checked in on Him, but didn't pick up the phone to make the call for it to be personal. Again, much like the situation with Brit, she didn't go anywhere; I did. I was the one who moved away for school and didn't keep in touch. God didn't go anywhere - he's everywhere. He said he would never leave us nor forsake us. I was the one who moved. I drifted away. 

Back to why this exists - my desire is to spend more time with God. To really get to know Him, who He is, how He works, how He thinks, how He would do things. I want to walk away from each and every day with an example of how God has worked specifically in my life during that day. This is where I'll keep those examples. I want to be able to witness to someone and say "hey, can I tell you the funniest thing? God did this for me today." Christ used parables and every day situations to get the gospel across to others. I want to be able to recall those events in my life and use them with others. We never know what will trigger a thought or question in someone's mind. I know God can use anything, so I'm praying that he'll use me.