HONESTY

Today I have felt like a character from The Walking Dead. I have walked around like a zombie stuck in my own head from the moment my feet hit the floor. 

I imagine that encountering a zombie is not a pleasant thing to experience, but an emotional zombie would be even worse. I have done a very poor job of accomplishing the goal I stated in the previous post. I have not encouraged a single person today. I haven't even been able to motivate myself to do anything productive. When I got home from work today I was trying to think of a topic to use for today's post. I had to sit down and actually ask myself how I had seen God today. To be honest, I couldn't come up with one any better than "well, I'm alive and breathing so I guess that's how God worked in my life today."

I was being lazy. I was wallowing in self-pity.

As I sat down at my desk, I was easily distracted by my hands. We've been trying to recreate Eric Carle's artwork this week and today we finished up our layered paintings. Tell a three year old to run wild with paint, cover the whole 12"x18" paper, then use their hands and other random tools to create patterns in it and see what your hands look like at the end. Mine resembled a moving 3-D art piece painted by Jackson Pollock himself. After I washed them, I noticed a small red dot in the center of my right hand that I had forgotten about due to an incident that happened earlier in the day. 

I have this little girl in my class that loves earrings. Her ears are pierced and she shows them off to me every morning when she comes to school (her mom color coordinates them with her outfits). She's only been with me for two weeks now, but I noticed within the first few days that she likes to pull her earrings out during rest time. I always find the main earring part but can never retrieve the lovely little clear plastic backs that go with them. I've started taking them out right after lunch so we don't lose them, but today I forgot. When she woke up from nap she came straight to me and said "Mrs. Miki, my earrings are in my bed" (the ends dip down so they can be easily stacked and she stows them away here). The holes are just an inch longer than my fingers so I have to tip the bed on its side and shake the earrings out. One of those lovely little backs escaped and I was now searching all over for it. I had put one earring in her ear and left the other one on the 2.5 foot tall shelf beside of us. When I went to push myself up from the floor, I set my hand down on the post of that tiny earring and when I stood up [putting my 200 pounds of pressure on it], the earring was stuck in my hand. I wanted to scream so bad. My little one saw the blood coming out of my hand and she said "uh-oh Mrs. Miki, I gave you a boo boo!" [you have to get used to three year old logic sometimes - she knew that she herself didn't hurt me, but an object of hers did and it caused her to believe that it was her fault].

Looking at that tiny little red spot on my hand, it caused me to recall the crucifixion and the piercing that Christ endured (along with so many other horrible punishments). He wasn't stabbed with a tiny earring post either - it was with nails. Large, iron nails. Read Psalm 22 to get a better picture of the crucifixion details. I began to wonder how we look at the crucifixion. Do we even think about it other than Easter and Christmas? How does it make us feel? My little 'E' felt guilty just because an item of hers caused me pain. Our sins put Christ on that cross. Do we feel guilty? Once we get saved and accept Christ it doesn't mean that we never face sin again. Paul talked about putting off the old man (his sin nature) and crucifying himself daily. Temptation doesn't leave us once we accept Christ. To be perfectly honest, we get more of it. Satan works harder on God's children to make them fall. If we crucify ourselves daily, it's a reminder of what Christ went through so that we could obtain eternal life. Crucifixion has never been done for fun - it's extremely painful. As a Christian in her late 20's, I'll admit that when I'm around others that don't know Christ, the temptation is strong to do the things that they do. Sometimes it would be easier to give in and participate in the parties than to explain why I don't drink. It's easier to give into to the devil and let him rule our minds with feelings of doubt and worry. It's easy and more comfortable for us to give into self-pity. These are sins of the flesh - it's part of how we were born! We have a sin nature in us, meaning that we are wired to sin. It takes more effort to fight against these things and become victorious over them. I must recall what the scriptures say: "and Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;" - I Peter 4:1. There's a song that the choir at Blue Rock (my home church) sang that I always loved. It said "It'll be worth it after child; it'll be worth it after all. After all of these trials, it'll be worth it after all." Crucifying ourselves daily with Christ might be hard now and might cause us to miss out on a few things, but Paul said it best in Romans 8:18 when he said: "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us". Children of God, our day is coming! In the meantime, be mindful of what Christ went through so that we could have this blessed hope. He took on the pain of our sins. We put Him on that cross and we caused Him to endure that pain, and he took it all willingly because he first loved US.

Galatians 2:20: "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."