EMOTIONS

Sometimes I'd prefer to live a life without emotions.

The last few days have been a consistent up and down, up and down cycle and it's exhausting. 

I'll admit - I wear my emotions. There's usually no hiding how I feel. It's like that song "If You're Happy and You Know It" - there's always an action to go with how you feel. Yesterday I was supposed to have an appointment at 3pm with the cardiologist to find out the results of my holter monitor. Since I'd never been to a cardiologist, I estimated the visit to run long so I worked through lunch in order to leave at 2:15 and make it to my appointment early. 

The visit was in Winston which is only about a 10-15 minute drive down the business loop of I-40. Leaving at 2:15 gave me PLENTY of time [or so I thought]. About 30 minutes earlier there had been a massive wreck. As soon as I crossed through the intersection leading me to the on ramp, traffic was stopped. S T O P P E D. Miles ahead of me, and miles behind me were packed in both lanes with vehicles. It took me 30 minutes to go less than one mile. At this point I had to call the office and explain to them that I might be a little late. The receptionist told me if I could make it by 3:15 that I could keep my appointment. With 30 minutes to go, I thought this was very gracious...until I had to call her again at 3:10 and let her know I was still 7 miles away and traffic still wasn't moving. My appointment was now canceled and rescheduled for Monday at 9am. 

This appointment was going to give me answers for something that I'd been stressing over for weeks and now I was going to have to wait two more days. I was stressed beyond any stress that I had felt prior. I was frustrated. I was angry. After traffic started flowing I even drove on to the office and asked in person if there were any cancellations. Nope. Did I mention that my doctor put in an urgent referral in order for me to see the cardiologist in the first place? That word urgent sent me over the edge. I cried. I banged on my steering wheel. I was so upset that I couldn't even call my mom. On the way back home I began to calm down and I began to think. I drove by that accident and saw the 18-wheeler that was crumpled over the guardrail and the other cars it took with it. My train of thought began to shift. I was no longer angry because I had to wait two more days to see the doctor. I was grateful because I was alive. My situation no longer seemed of importance compared to the accident on the highway. Lysa Terkeurst said in her book Unglued "God designed our bodies to respond to our thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to a crisis response - activating us physically but hindering our thinking. Positive thoughts allow us to process a situation accurately and respond in a healthy way." 

God designed us and created us. He knew that we would have emotions and wouldn't know how to handle ourselves. There are so many passages of scripture that focus on emotions and how we should conduct ourselves when those emotions come over us. The book of Philippians is one that I have found myself getting caught up in lately. Paul wrote this letter to the church of Philippi to thank them for their help during a time when he needed it most. He also used this as an outlet to give them some advice regarding unity and joy. Chapter 4 is my favorite. In Philippians 4:4-9 Paul says: "Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Here Paul describes the secrets of having the peace of God as well as peace with God. [side note - when I study, I like to look at words; what they mean, their origins, words that are similar (synonyms) and words that are opposite (antonyms). If you look up the word peace, you'll find that the word worry is found as an antonym. Peace and worry are opposites leading me to believe that they both can't both occupy our hearts and minds at the same time.] 

Negative thoughts (worry, anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy) lead to us engaging our bodies before we think. These thoughts seem to put "drama glasses" on as I'd like to call them. If you've ever watched one of those true crime shows like Snapped, you know all about the 'dramatizations' or 'reenactments'. The scenes are similar to what the actual event was but are much more intense. That's how they lure us viewers in. The same is true with our minds. Negative thoughts send our minds racing to everything wrong in our lives. They create dramatizations of what we're actually going through. Positive thoughts (peace, joy, happiness, thankfulness, encouragement) lead us to respond to situations in a calm, rational manner. We're able to deal with people and emotions without rocking the boat. We're able to handle ourselves without bursts of chaos and panic. Emotions are a normal part of life - it's how God made us. Losing control of those emotions is what gets us into trouble. James explained things clearly when he spoke of emotions. He spoke of why it is important for us to keep control over our emotions:

• We must always be in the right frame of mind: the Lord could come at any time
• We will be judged for how we react with those around us
• Many of the prophets went through horrible things but never lost their desire to serve God. They could have wallowed in self-pity, turned their backs on God because of bitterness and anger, or could have worried and questioned whether God was even there for them, but they didn't. God clearly recognized the fact that they kept their faith because they are commended throughout the Bible - the Old Testament and the New. 

"Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." 

- James 5:8-11

This is an area of my life that I'm constantly praying for God to deal with me in. I am one who internalizes things and jumps to mental conclusions, often creating events that never happened or words that were never said and get upset over them. I guess I live in my head too much and don't interact enough with others, but I'm working on both of those ;) I want to serve God each and every day to my full potential. If I'm dwelling on the negativity in my life, I don't have my mind on serving God.

No one can light a fire in the rain. 

It has taken me four days, but I officially love yoga.

With the whole crazy fast heartbeat thing, the doctor recommended me moving and trying to e a s e myself into exercise. No cardio until we figure out what's going on. The hubs suggested yoga - not only for strength and toning, but as a stress release too. After [briefly] hating it for the last three days I can now say that I am thoroughly enjoying it. It's giving me time to unwind after work and supper. I've slept better. I've been more aware of my movements throughout the day. I'm focusing on how I shift my weight and how my posture is during activities because I know that although it feels strange now and takes some adjustment, it will eventually become natural. It's better for my body in the long run. 

I've thought about this quite a bit and it can easily be compared to how we study our Bibles and meditate on the things of God. Between yoga and church lately, the word meditate has come up quite frequently. It's something I don't do enough in any aspect of my life. I have many scattered thoughts but not near enough serious concentration on each thought. I'm one of those people who will start several projects and will work on bits and pieces at different times. I like to multitask. I like to be busy. Papaw Jim always says he 'piddles around' and I'd like to think that I'm similar in that respect. My parents both have always been busy and active doing things. They never seemed rushed, but were always engaged in something. Mom with a quilt project [or something else involving crafty things] and dad in the garage or in the woods. 

If you honestly sit down and think about what takes place during an average day in your life, you'll find that you pretty much go on autopilot. It's habit for me to wake up at 6, browse the internet/TV, eat breakfast, go to work at 7, come home for lunch around 12, let Molly out, go back to work until 5[ish here lately], I come home, get supper ready, relax for supper to settle, do yoga, sit down and study/write, take a shower, then go to bed. If it's church night, it comes before yoga in the list. 

My days aren't exciting by any means. They're routine and habit, but not exciting. I feel that we often treat meditating on God's word the same as we do our day. We feel that praying, reading, and going to church are just what we are supposed to do as Christians. We have lost our zeal and our excitement for being in God's word. It's easy to do - trust me - I'm the queen of starting strong and never finishing things. When's the last time you just sat down with God's word and were excited about what he was going to show you? Psalm 1:2 says "But his delight [is] in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." Getting in God's word should make us happy! We should delight in it! I'm afraid we lose the joy of studying [not reading] in our daily routines. We just add it to our daily checklist and move on through. I challenge each one of us [me included] to find our happy place in studying God's word. I promise that if you find something that interests you whether it's a passage describing the life of a prophet, a particular word in Hebrew, a certain subject (such as forgiveness or gratitude), or my favorite - history/geography, you'll begin making connections with other scriptures as you go. I remember studying for a lesson one time in the book of James where he asks if a fountain can bring forth fresh and salty water. I spent almost 2 hours in God's word without realizing it and studied springs and fountains. The fountain in James led to a study on Abraham and the well at Beersheba - a passage I wasn't familiar with at the time. 

Learning new things makes me happy - keeps me excited and interested. I want to never lose delight in studying the scriptures. I want to meditate on the scriptures like I've been doing for my yoga time. I tune everything else out and focus for that set amount of time on relaxing my body. I want to tune the rest of the world out and get alone with God and really hear what he has to say to me. Find a time for you when you can do the same, then let's talk about it with each other! (maybe that can be the subject of the next blog...that's a whole different ballgame)

David Bowie once said "Ch-ch-changes / Pretty soon now you're gonna get a little older / Time may change me"

Due to recent events in my life [related to health] I have had to make some changes. I've had to change things I eat, what I drink, increase my movements, etc. Change isn't something that comes easy to us as humans. Some may tolerate it better than others or deal with it better in some aspects of their lives, but none of us really excel with it. 

Growing up I always loved watching my dad. He always moved about his day so methodically. He had [and still has] a routine for everything. I remember him coming in from the garage before going into work [he worked 2nd shift for my entire childhood] - he would sit down on the left side of the couch, unlace his boots, and walk straight to the shower. His boots would sit under the coffee table and be waiting on him later when he had to go into work. We always knew not to sit in 'dad's spot' (and we still don't) and not to interrupt his routine. It would just throw his day off. My mom on the other hand...she's one of those who likes to mess with the routine. To this day I honestly believe that my parents never fought while Dillon and I were living at home and I still don't think they do. If they ever did, they sure had a good way of keeping it from us. I do remember Mom getting creative sometimes though when she'd get frustrated with dad around Christmas or when she wanted to move the living room around. He wouldn't want her to move the furniture because it was different, but somehow she always ended up with the Christmas tree where she wanted it...anyway, mom would always say "I'm going to move all the furniture in this living room to the left a quarter of an inch while your dad is at work just to drive him crazy when he gets home!" She knew that any sort of change would honestly upset him. 

In the life of a child, nothing has more of an impact on them than consistency whether it's with their education, home life, routines, etc. They need that source that will be the same no matter what else goes on in the day. Friends, we are children of God no matter what age we grow to be. God IS our consistency. He's the one that never changes. We can go to him anytime, anywhere, with anything. In Ecclesiastes 3:14 we see a perfect description of Christ: " I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him." We must set our eyes on things above, most importantly, our Father. I grew up knowing that even if I went out to play, ran to grandma's, or took a nap, my dad would still be in the same part of his daily routine. You could set your watch by him. Our relationship with Christ is the same way. We should know him inside and out and be able to have confidence that he'll come through no matter what we're doing. We should be such an example to others regarding the consistency and power of Christ that men should fear (yes, fear!) it because he always comes through. When God says he'll be there for us, he means it [the Bible says so in the Ecclesiastes verse and in Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever."]

I guess in some ways I'm similar to my dad which is what brought this up to begin with. I don't care for change, but in slightly different areas. It's always reassuring to know that no matter what life throws at us, we have a true, powerful, mighty God who will always be there for us in the good times and in the bad. The book of James is my favorite book of the Bible and I love the wording of this verse:

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning." - James 1:17

In Matthew Poole's Commentary on the phrase "with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning" he says: The sun, though it scattereth its beams every where, yet is not without its changes, parallaxes, and diversities of aspects, not only sometimes clear and sometimes eclipsed, but one while in the east, another in the south, then in the west; nor without its turnings in its annual course from tropic to tropic, (to which the Greek word here used seems to allude), its various accesses and recesses, by reason of which it casts different shadows: but God is always the same, like himself, constant in the emanations of his goodness, without casting any dark shadow of evil, which might infer a change in him.

Going back to the lyric from David Bowie, I'm beyond grateful that time is one of the many things that will never change our God. 

MEDITATE

Pastor Daniel preached an incredible, applicable message last night. It's something I've been pondering on to some degree lately, but haven't thought about. There are reasons other than "because God said we should" for why we should be spending time in God's word. 

Here are my notes from last night's sermon:

Meditate means to think deeply on God's word. Meditation is the action used to prepare our hearts to pray. Scripture is to be the foundation of our prayers.

How do we mediate on God's word?

1.  Meditate to focus: Psalm 119:15 "I will meditate in thy precepts [guidelines in the Bible; rules, principles], and have respect (nabat in the Heberw - to look intently; to gaze upon) unto thy ways." Satan uses many things to distract us. We are to fix our eyes on his ways. Focusing on God's word allows us to pray with clarity.

2.  Meditate to understand: Psalm 119:27 "Make me to understand the way of thy precepts: so shall I talk of thy wondrous works." Good questions to ask yourself when reading God's word:

·   Why is this passage important?

·   What do I need to know about the passage?

·   What does it say about God?

·   What does it say about me?

·   How does this point to Jesus

3.  Meditate to remember: Psalm 143:5 "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse [ponder] on the work of thy hands." We need to get in God's word and mediate on the scriptures so we can recall them when we need them. We also meditate to remove what God has done for us in the past. He has blessed us so much in our lives. It's always good to remember and reflect.

4.  Meditate to have discernment Psalm 1:1-2 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. [2] But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night." Discernment means looking through the outward appearance and seeing that something is not of God. We need to make good decisions in both the day and the night.

5.  Meditate to obey: Joshua 1:8 "This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." We need to get into God's word to understand it and obey it - not to find reasons why it's ok to do the things that we want to do.

6.  Meditate to share: Psalm 77:12 "I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings." We meditate to share what God has revealed to us do that we can share with others.

7.  Meditate to rise above conflict: Psalm 119:23 "Princes also did sit and speak against me: but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes." In life we will always come across people who will do us wrong. The more we know about the examples that God provided for us in His word, the easier it will be for us to deal with confrontations and conflicts in our lives. 

8. Meditate to love God more: Psalm 119:48 "My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes." Lighting of the hands is a sign of praise. The more we know about God, the more we can grow to love him. 

9.  Meditate to keep a right spirit: Psalm 119:78 "Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts." Satan wants nothing more than for us to come into to church with a wrong spirit. We will get nothing from singing, preaching, fellowship, etc., if we have a bad spirit about us. 

10. Meditate to give more of ourselves to God: 1 Timothy 4:15 "Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all." 

11. Make meditating a priority: Psalm 119:148 "Mine eyes prevent the night watches, that I might meditate in thy word." Keeping all these things in mind, we must mediate and make it first in our lives. Our Christian walk will improve and because of that everything else in our lives will improve.