EMOTIONS

Sometimes I'd prefer to live a life without emotions.

The last few days have been a consistent up and down, up and down cycle and it's exhausting. 

I'll admit - I wear my emotions. There's usually no hiding how I feel. It's like that song "If You're Happy and You Know It" - there's always an action to go with how you feel. Yesterday I was supposed to have an appointment at 3pm with the cardiologist to find out the results of my holter monitor. Since I'd never been to a cardiologist, I estimated the visit to run long so I worked through lunch in order to leave at 2:15 and make it to my appointment early. 

The visit was in Winston which is only about a 10-15 minute drive down the business loop of I-40. Leaving at 2:15 gave me PLENTY of time [or so I thought]. About 30 minutes earlier there had been a massive wreck. As soon as I crossed through the intersection leading me to the on ramp, traffic was stopped. S T O P P E D. Miles ahead of me, and miles behind me were packed in both lanes with vehicles. It took me 30 minutes to go less than one mile. At this point I had to call the office and explain to them that I might be a little late. The receptionist told me if I could make it by 3:15 that I could keep my appointment. With 30 minutes to go, I thought this was very gracious...until I had to call her again at 3:10 and let her know I was still 7 miles away and traffic still wasn't moving. My appointment was now canceled and rescheduled for Monday at 9am. 

This appointment was going to give me answers for something that I'd been stressing over for weeks and now I was going to have to wait two more days. I was stressed beyond any stress that I had felt prior. I was frustrated. I was angry. After traffic started flowing I even drove on to the office and asked in person if there were any cancellations. Nope. Did I mention that my doctor put in an urgent referral in order for me to see the cardiologist in the first place? That word urgent sent me over the edge. I cried. I banged on my steering wheel. I was so upset that I couldn't even call my mom. On the way back home I began to calm down and I began to think. I drove by that accident and saw the 18-wheeler that was crumpled over the guardrail and the other cars it took with it. My train of thought began to shift. I was no longer angry because I had to wait two more days to see the doctor. I was grateful because I was alive. My situation no longer seemed of importance compared to the accident on the highway. Lysa Terkeurst said in her book Unglued "God designed our bodies to respond to our thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to a crisis response - activating us physically but hindering our thinking. Positive thoughts allow us to process a situation accurately and respond in a healthy way." 

God designed us and created us. He knew that we would have emotions and wouldn't know how to handle ourselves. There are so many passages of scripture that focus on emotions and how we should conduct ourselves when those emotions come over us. The book of Philippians is one that I have found myself getting caught up in lately. Paul wrote this letter to the church of Philippi to thank them for their help during a time when he needed it most. He also used this as an outlet to give them some advice regarding unity and joy. Chapter 4 is my favorite. In Philippians 4:4-9 Paul says: "Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you." Here Paul describes the secrets of having the peace of God as well as peace with God. [side note - when I study, I like to look at words; what they mean, their origins, words that are similar (synonyms) and words that are opposite (antonyms). If you look up the word peace, you'll find that the word worry is found as an antonym. Peace and worry are opposites leading me to believe that they both can't both occupy our hearts and minds at the same time.] 

Negative thoughts (worry, anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy) lead to us engaging our bodies before we think. These thoughts seem to put "drama glasses" on as I'd like to call them. If you've ever watched one of those true crime shows like Snapped, you know all about the 'dramatizations' or 'reenactments'. The scenes are similar to what the actual event was but are much more intense. That's how they lure us viewers in. The same is true with our minds. Negative thoughts send our minds racing to everything wrong in our lives. They create dramatizations of what we're actually going through. Positive thoughts (peace, joy, happiness, thankfulness, encouragement) lead us to respond to situations in a calm, rational manner. We're able to deal with people and emotions without rocking the boat. We're able to handle ourselves without bursts of chaos and panic. Emotions are a normal part of life - it's how God made us. Losing control of those emotions is what gets us into trouble. James explained things clearly when he spoke of emotions. He spoke of why it is important for us to keep control over our emotions:

• We must always be in the right frame of mind: the Lord could come at any time
• We will be judged for how we react with those around us
• Many of the prophets went through horrible things but never lost their desire to serve God. They could have wallowed in self-pity, turned their backs on God because of bitterness and anger, or could have worried and questioned whether God was even there for them, but they didn't. God clearly recognized the fact that they kept their faith because they are commended throughout the Bible - the Old Testament and the New. 

"Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy." 

- James 5:8-11

This is an area of my life that I'm constantly praying for God to deal with me in. I am one who internalizes things and jumps to mental conclusions, often creating events that never happened or words that were never said and get upset over them. I guess I live in my head too much and don't interact enough with others, but I'm working on both of those ;) I want to serve God each and every day to my full potential. If I'm dwelling on the negativity in my life, I don't have my mind on serving God.

No one can light a fire in the rain.